Lakers Acquire Hayden Simone Powell

Looking for additional quickness, depth and smooth skin in the backcourt, the Lakers signed newborn Hayden Simone Powell on Tuesday evening at 10:37 p.m. in New Orleans.

Hayden’s listed measurements are (an athletic) 7.1 pounds and 19 3/4 inches. It wasn’t all smooth sailing at first, however, as the Lakers had to throw in a few crates of Gerber’s Apple Sauce to ensure that Hayden would make a hand print on the contract.

Proud father Josh Powell, who already boasts a talented young daughter, Patience, with his wife Lauren, couldn’t be happier to welcome Hayden into the organization.

“I’m very proud I have two wonderful, beautiful girls,” said Powell.

Josh is just a tad bigger than his new daughter at 6-9, 240 pounds, but it’s already clear that his athletic instincts have been passed on.

“Sure, Hayden might be on the small side of the league, but she’s extremely agile,” said a source close to the team. “I don’t think anyone in the NBA can match up with Hayden size wise, though Nate Robinson may come the closest.”

“Yeah, I mean, I can’t think of any reason why L.A. doesn’t make that acquisition,” added Lakers radio voice Spero Dedes. “I think I speak for everybody when I say that we’re all excited to see how Phil Jackson employs Hayden into the rotation.”

Lauren, Hayden and Patience will hang out in New Orleans to gloat over L.A.’s 100-87 win for a few days, while Josh will return to join his teammates in Los Angeles heading into the Christmas Day game against Boston.

Welcome to the family, Hayden!